Rude date? Here’s how to handle them

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So you've gotten dressed up, you've made an effort and then your date is rude to you. How exactly do you handle it?

First dates can be disappointing at times for a number of reasons. Maybe you didn't feel the spark or the conversation wasn't as interesting as when you were talking online; these are some of the more standard first date problems.

But what if it's worse than that? What if you thought things were going to go well after getting to know someone online and then your date turns out to be quite rude?

Rudeness comes in many forms. They could make a flippant comment about something you've said that they may not realise is rude or they could be totally direct. Either can leave you a bit taken aback, especially if you are on a first or second date.

Here are some ways to deal with the situation:

Have them clarify what they mean

If a comment was quite off-the-cuff and may not have been meant in the way you received it, it may be a good idea to get them to clarify what they mean. This will give them the opportunity to realise that what they said may have been rude.

You may find that they mean it exactly how they said it, giving you a better insight into their personality and helping you to decide whether there's any point in seeing them again.

Take a break

If someone is being directly rude or putting you down for any reason, whether it's how you look, what you do or the things you like, it might be a good idea to remove yourself from the situation. 

Simply popping to the bathroom can help you to calm down and ensure you don't react in a negative way. You can make a situation much worse by being hot-headed about it, so giving yourself a chance to evaluate what your date said away from them can really help.

It can also give you the time to work out how you want to deal with the situation. You may want to bring it up with them when you leave the bathroom or you might want to wait and see if they say anything else. Once you have a clear plan of action, it is much easier to go back to your date.

Talk about it

If you really are angry enough to bring it up, it is a good idea to try and be as non-confrontational as possible. Rather than getting angry, explain that what they said made you uncomfortable, playing up the fact that you came on the date to have a good time.

If you get angry or use a negative tone, the date could deteriorate incredibly quickly. Instead, be clear about why it upset you, but let them know that you're aware it probably wasn't the result they intended. This will help to diffuse the situation while their response will tell you a lot about them.

Ideally, you don't want to put your date on the defensive as that could mean things get ugly. If you're not sure how to bring it up, this is a good time to use the bathroom trick.


If they continue to be rude or make you uncomfortable after you've brought it up with them, if might be a good idea to simply call it a day. Thank them for meeting you and explain that you don't think it's going to work out. 

If you do this, it might be a good idea to pay your half of the bill first, so as not to set them off any more. It isn't a good idea to just disappear without addressing why you don't want to continue with the date as this can lead to an awkward conversation down the line.

If you are clear in your reasons, they should hopefully be accepting of them – after all, no one wants to be on a date when the other person isn't into it. If they aren't calm and gracious about it, leave anyway; you don't want to feel threatened into staying.  

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